10 Things Parents of Addicts do, but, wish they didn’t…
1. Say ‘Yes’ when they mean ‘No’
2. Believe the lies despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary
3. Rescue adult children… over & over!
4. Pretend things aren’t as bad as they really are
5. Feel victimized and unappreciated
6. Feel angry, then let the addict off-the-hook
7. Say you won’t tolerate anymore bad behavior, then allow it once more
8. Feel anxious when they have a problem
9. Make excuses for them
10. Feel like you are going crazy
75% of families are dealing with substance abuse and/or mental-illness
but don’t know how to make the madness stop.
You wonder why they can’t stop on their own. You’ve begged, pleaded, threatened, but, no change.
It’s a frightening proposition that can cause all other family members to trade-in their focus on their own lives to become a hostage to the chaos of the addict.
YOU MAY NOT FEEL LIKE IT NOW BUT THIS IS A SOLVE-ABLE PROBLEM
We offer real solutions that are truly changing people’s lives. We accept clients from all across the United States, and continue working with families throughout the entire process (video conferencing/live video groups)
Most of our residents have been to multiple treatment centers, with no success…STOP the insanity!
Symptoms of an addict (or alcoholic)
High Anxiety most of the time
Can’t sit still, easily bored
Lying (when mouth is moving)
Disappears for days at a time
Always a victim of injustice-can’t seem to catch a break
Takes 3 hours to run a 15 minute errand
Less available for family responsibilities
Really intelligent but seems to waste it
Needs you to solve all of their problems
Creates LOT’S of problems that most people don’t have
Our typical resident has a history of;
- Heroin/ Pain pills
- Prescription pill abuse
- Substance abuse
- Excessive alcohol use
- Alcohol Abuse
- Defiant behaviors
- Self-defeating behaviors
- High intelligence, yet history of “blowing it”
- Relationship problems
- Homeless/ Couch-hopping (Not allowed to live with parents anymore)
The majority of our residents have a history of failed clinical treatment experiences (5-15 previous treatments is not uncommon). The reason for this is simple; clinical programs do not spend the time, nor have the spiritual expertise to teach & guide a spiritually sick person to complete health. Clinical programs barely scratch the surface of superficial areas & then it’s time to leave…
Make no mistake about it, regardless of your “religious” beliefs, addiction leaves a person spiritually bankrupt and must be addressed with a spiritual perspective.
My little brother was discharged from a clinical treatment program (age 29) after completing all of his assignments, workbooks, and therapy sessions…. Then, he was dead 2 weeks later from a relapse of drugs (pain pills)! He obviously wasn’t ready to discharge but 30 days was the time he was allowed.
J.L. was founded on faith-based principles & common sense
We DO NOT discharge residents UNTIL they are truly ready to live a successful life in recovery. We don’t keep score of units, hours, allotments, quotas, or any other ridiculous thing that serves to stifle the process of recovery. You have my word on it!
“Certified” treatment programs are built around insurance companies & gov’t contract allocations. If a client doesn’t “get fixed” within the alloted number of clinical hours, then, too bad! How would an insurance company know how many “units” it takes to change a human being?
The great news is; God doesn’t work on units or hours!
Justin’s Lighthouse is built on a “whatever it takes” attitude to affect change in every single resident!
Families know very well the frustrations and heart-break that go along with watching a loved-one make attempt after attempt to get sober… The encouragement of seeing early success and then discouragement from watching the repeating cycle of back-sliding.
We want to believe them when they say; “I’ve got it handled this time!”, “I’m going to be okay!”, “I’m done with that life-style!”…. But, then it happens all over again!
Attempting personal change without help rarely succeeds. The reason for this is simple; Real recovery solutions can not come from the same thinking that originated the problem.
Albert Einstein said; “It’s not possible to solve a problem with the same consciousness that created it”
In other words, If a person could ‘fix” themselves without help they would’ve done it by now! the idea that “This time I’ll be able to do it by myself” is what we like to call DENIAL THINKING… I used to think just like that, too! Humans won’t hesitate to call a professional for plumbing problems – car problems – medical problems, and so on, but when it comes to life-problems we think we can deal with it on our own (even though we’ve had 10, 20, or 30 years to fix ourselves, without much long-term success).
REAL RECOVERY SOLUTIONS
come from outside sources; New information, and, an appropriate amount of time to make necessary changes. If the person who is struggling had it within themselves to change themselves, they would have already achieved it. Since Denial is a major part of the sickness, it’s left to the family to breathe a sense of reality into this crisis. The addict believes that ‘if only…’ THEN, they will be alright. This cycle of self-seeking solutions continues until the person comes to recognize that their problem is not in the external things of life, but rather, within themselves.. In other words, problems do not arise from any particular situation, but instead, in the the way they think about their situation.
Justin’s Lighthouse long-term recovery program is developed to ensure lasting recovery by addressing far more than a typical 30 day or 90 day clinical program . Decades of dysfunctional living won’t be resolved in just 1 -3 months.
Our program is diverse, yet, simple.
Since addiction or alcoholism are actually symptoms of much deeper and unresolved emotional and behavioral issues, a successful program must address the actual core issues the led to the dysfunction in the first place… Not the symptoms, but the real causes!
The focus of our program is to facilitate a complete life-transformation. For each resident to change everything about the way they think; How they view the world, pass judgments, handle difficulties, develop realistic expectations, accept others as they are, address their sense of entitlement, recognizing the self-centeredness in their behavior… all the while, addressing the core emotional problems that drive substance use and the dysfunctional life-style that follows.
… All this through spiritual principles.
Learning how to live free from the shame of the past – regrets – overcoming discouragement, while applying new ‘life’ principles (including spiritual principles).
Depression, anxiety, lying, low self-esteem, inappropriate anger, manipulating, inconsistent work history, relational conflicts, and so on…, combined with an inability to handle life’s difficulties (usually involving not getting what they want when they want it) leave the addict in a constant state of seeking external escapes. If an “addict” isn’t willing to learn how to recognize and resolve deeper emotional conflicts within themselves, all the shopping, drugs, anger, demands on family, clothes, cars, cool gadgets, or material things in the world won’t bring peace, better behavior, higher self-esteem, or healthier relationships.
The poor decision making of the addict/alcoholic is the result of a personal reliance on themselves to solve problems, as well as, “people-places- and things. If you’re familiar with A.A. then you’ve already heard that. What it means is this: The addict truly believes that their own peace, relief, or happiness is in the hands of someone else doing something for them, or manipulating a “perfect” situation, and ONLY THEN, can they be truly free!
This is why the family is on the other end of the endless complaints of how “this person did me wrong“, and “that person was supposed to do this thing for me“, or “Once this other situation comes through”.. blah, blah, blah! Give it a rest! This is simply the Addict’s way of completely avoiding personal responsibility for their own life. “it’s always somebody else’s fault”
Statistics show us that most addicts are in fact, extremely intelligent. This high I.Q., combined with past achievements and sporadic accomplishments leave a person thinking that eventually they will “figure things out”. This makes it tough for families who are pleading with their loved-one to accept professional help. As a family member, you may have even heard in the past; “I don’t need that much help… I just need your help with getting a new car, a new apartment, a new job, etc…THEN, I’ll be okay!”
Although the majority of our clients do have substance use issues (and even consider themselves to be an “addict” or “alcoholic”), they don’t get better because we spend a lot of time talking about their favorite drug of choice or how stupid it is to get high or drunk.
90% of our clients get better
because our program teaches them how to face up to their own irresponsible behaviors-how to make their words have meaning-how to develop a spiritual life-style- how to live a life of purpose and accountability-how to become self-sufficient and, generally be transformed into a new person with a new outlook on life.
Real Recovery Requires Real Transformation!
Laying a foundation of lasting recovery requires a support team that is knowledgeable and experienced in the specifics of what your family is going through with the skills to present solutions from a spiritual perspective.
We teach clients to think for themselves based on their own values and goals. Learning how to live up to responsibilities, regardless of feelings, is absolute key in growing up. While in dysfunction, values and goals are the first things to fly out the window when something more exciting comes along. This is due to immaturity and must change if a person is to sustain lasting recovery.
WE’VE BEEN THERE!
We too are a family of addiction and recovery with the professional knowledge and skills, along with the personal experience to help teach you and your family how to achieve success!
Lasting change only happens holistically;
With a non-denominational approach, we help each resident embark on their own personal spiritual journey.
APPROACH TO CARE
We believe, and research indicates, the lack of spirituality is the missing element within secular treatment programs that simply do not work. Conversely, many spiritual leaders are ill-equipped to handle the complexities and specifics of addiction, mental illness, and other emotional deficiencies.
JL is founded on expertise in multiple areas, including biblical counseling, behavioral disorders, drug & alcohol recovery, recovery support, mental-illness issues, socialization, inter-personal relationships and, residential care, all combined to address the complete individual.
The family dynamic is as important as helping the lone-addict. We know that the whole family has been affected by the behavior of one person, but the entire family needs appropriate opportunity to heal, as well.
Recognize these common behaviors of addicts/ mental illness?
- Easily Angered/ Anxious
- Low self-esteem
- Can’t sit still/ Easily bored
- Being secretive
- Avoids responsibility
- Isolates / would rather spend time alone, regularly
- Real intelligent but seems to waste it
Nobody wakes up one day and thinks…
“Hmmm, I think I’ll start using drugs this week”. Or, better yet, “I want to self destruct as quickly as possible”.
The choice to use drugs or self-sabotage is a result of not having the knowledge, proper coping skills, or emotional capacity to deal with the difficulties of life, in healthy, effective, and appropriate ways.
JLC implements recovery solutions through common sense, professional expertise, and ‘lived’ experiences. Our entire staff is in recovery. Each member having overcome their own battle with addictions, mental-illness, and the family issues that arise from it. We know exactly how to help you and your family.
We’ve know first-hand, the fear, chaos, and dysfunction that families face when trying to save the life of a loved-one.
Our personal journey of recovery and professional credentials have enabled us to develop a recovery program for individuals and families that truly works!
FOR HELP TODAY, PLEASE CALL 405-248-2124, or email email@example.com
J.L. is not certified as a substance abuse treatment center (nor do we want to be). We believe the Bible, not the State, presents a far more effective program for healing and living a life of fulfillment-joy- and contribution!
We are the spiritual alternative to clinical drug & alcohol treatment programs.
When used properly (not crammed down our resident’s throats) Spiritual principles lay the foundation for life-foundation that can heal drug & alcohol addictions, mental-illness, behavioral problems, and every other malady common among man.
Note: J.L. does support the role of medical science and makes referrals whenever the need arises. Many of our residents are under medical or psychiatric care when they arrive, which we will continue to facilitate. We seek to accommodate these relationships by providing transportation & communication with medical health care providers for the best & most complete outcomes for our residents.
We look forward to helping your family heal!