3 out of 4 families do this but wish they didn’t
Are you included in this list?
|15 REACTIONS FAMILIES HAVE WHEN A LOVED- ONE IS AN ADDICT or ALCOHOLIC … and none are helpful
By addressing the core emotional & behavioral -problems that lead to many dysfunctional symptoms, we are able to help clients and families gain a new outlook on life, along with the skills – abilities – and, self-confidence to live a life of contribution, to their families and communities.
DYSFUNCTIONAL BEHAVIORS INCLUDE…
- Poor coping-skills
- Legal Problems
- Substance abuse
- Physical abuse victims
- Homelessness (couch hopping counts)
- DHS involvement
- Absentee Parenting in children’s lives (the occasional phone call aint working!)
We lost our younger brother (Justin) to an accidental drug over-dose. We have experienced first-hand, the fear, chaos, and dysfunction that families deal with when trying to save the life of a loved-one.
Our personal journey has led us to develop a recovery program that truly transforms lives!
10 Common behaviors of addicts or dysfunctional lifestyles
…See anything familiar?
- Easily angered Anxious
- Low self-esteem
- Can’t sit still / Bored easily
- Avoids responsibility
- Really intelligent but seems to waste it
YOU may not feel it like it right now, but this is a solvable problem!
75% of all families are dealing with some type of substance abuse or other behavioral, or, life-problems, and simply don’t know how to make the madness stop. They want so badly for their loved-one to just STOP! You’ve wondered why they can’t stop on their own. You’ve begged, threatened, pleaded, but, still no change.
It’s a frightening proposition that can cause all other family members to trade-in their own lives for the chaos and rescuing of the addict or dysfunctional person.
IF YOU LIVE WITH THE PAIN & CONFUSION OF HAVING A FAMILY MEMBER
Who fits this category, or know of someone, please keep reading. Even if you have to come back and finish reading, later. We explain everything you need to know to begin turning your situation around, and you won’t have to do it alone!
SCARED – FRUSTRATED – ANGRY – SAD – RAGE – EMOTIONALLY DRAINED
If this describes your condition, it’s time to do something different. We really have been where you are today and we know how to help the whole family. Pills, Heroin, Meth, Alcohol, Pot, K-2/Spice are the most common drugs today and are destroying our communities.
Most families want to believe when their loved-one says; “I promise I’ll change”, or, “I’ll start doing better tomorrow”, but it doesn’t take long before they’re right back into their old behavior. It begins to feel like the person doesn’t care about the rest of the family. It’s a slap in the face! After all, “if they really loved us they would stop!”
The good news is, this bad behavior is not personal, nor, is it a matter of will-power. The addict has a very serious disease which needs to be treated as such. The behavior of one person can become the focal point for the entire family and all family members must be willing to participate in the recovery process. Of course I’m not talking about the whole family going to treatment, but the family must be willing to follow the instructions of the professionals.
This means… When your loved-one sneaks a phone to call you and complain about how awful the food is or how much they hate their new room-mate, simply because they are avoiding responsibility & seeking from you an emotional rescue (like you’ve done so many times before-It’s time to change!). it’s the family’s job NOT to react to more nonsense and agree with the “made-up” injustice, BUT, to immediately re-direct your loved-one to rules & responsibilities. This might sound a little like this; “Honey, I’m sure you are having a difficult time adjusting but right now you need to get off this phone and stop breaking rules”… That’s it! End of discussion! Then, hang up the phone and call the facility to report the rule violation.
It’s so important for families to recognize that they are very sick too from all this dysfunction and chaos. If you keep falling for the “Nothing in the world is suiting me so you need to fix it for me” line, you and your loved-one will never change, never grow, never heal, and you will ALWAYS be relied upon to rescue them from their bad behavior, and lack of personal responsibility.
If, after 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years, your loved one is still experiencing the same kinds of injustices, the same problems, the same relational conflicts, the same cycle of dysfunction, it’s time for you to admit the problem is not other people, or places, or situations… As hard as it to admit, it’s your loved-one. Yes, problems do not follow this person. They are the one common denominator in their life-time of problems. (Of course all people experience genuine injustices from time to time, but there is also a proper way to respond to those type of difficulties – and it’s not complaining and expecting our family members to bail us out each time).
These problems do not go away when your loved-one finally gets everything they want – where they want it (you have already tried that). These problems DO go away when the family draws boundaries with the loved-one and says “No More! We are going to trust the professionals to help us through this so we won’t ever came to come back to this dysfunctional life-style”. Then, and only then will all parties become receptive to real solutions. Until then, you will continue going round & round in the sick cycle of addiction and dysfunction.
Please continue to read through our website. There is much information (and much more to come within these pages that are specifically geared to educate families. Most treatment sites speak to the addict, but we take a different approach. YOU are the one who might just need the most healing!
Thank you for reading this far, and I look forward to working with you family!
Miles K. Lewis, PhD, C-PRSS
PLEASE CALL TODAY FOR HELP
Oklahoma City / Tulsa