This page features a series of posts and articles to help you on your journey of recovery.
Dear Family Members,
One of the most difficult things to get a handle on is the acceptance that your loved-one is sick beyond anything else you, or the rest of the family can do. You know this because you’ve tried every possible thing to help but it’s simply not enough to get the person back to ‘normal’. I know this too, because my family tried everything we could think of to save my little brother but he still died. Admitting that you need help is not an admission of failure or giving up. You are finally reaching the point in this disease where you recognize a need for help. That’s it!
Help is not a bad thing and it doesn’t mean you should have been able to solve this problem on your own (like you have solved so many other challenges)…. Addiction & Behavioral disorders are very complex issues and they require the enlistment of professionals who have personal ‘lived’ experience with these same issues. If you were dealing with cancer you wouldn’t hesitate to call-on professionals to save a life.
Dealing with addiction can be a little tricky because a primary characteristic is BAD BEHAVIOR. Family members are dealing with their own issues (resentments, fear, suspicion, anger, etc..) within an already complex disorder. In many ways, addiction is much more painful and confusing than dealing with cancer. You never know where you stand. As long as you’re abiding by the demands of the addict then all is ‘fine’, but the second you say ‘NO’ all heck breaks loose. This mini drama of saying YES when you mean ‘NO’, simply to avoid a melt-down and keep a little peace in the house is the very behavior (on both sides) that will keep the situation getting worse, and the addict closer to jail, institutions, or death.
There is never a good time to get help but it’s always the right time! The addict will tell you they don’t want professional help, they just need a little more money, or a job, a car, etc, to make their life better. if you could just provide those things then they’ll promise to ‘get better’… Stop falling for it! That’s not how addicts get better, and you know it because you’ve already been down that road… several times.
If Addicts had within themselves the emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, and psychological development to change their lives they would have already done it. Without outside help – lots of new information – and the time to transition into a new person, the Addict will get worse and the family will be devastated. Don’t wait for a death or prison to devastate the family. Ask for help today!
Whether you call Justin’s Lighthouse, or somebody else, please ask for help today.
The madness stops when you say ‘ENOUGH’!
We’re in your corner,
Miles K Lewis, PhD, C-PRSS
Thoughts on Recovery
Often times, I test my own adopted theory that ‘drugs and alcohol is merely a symptom of deeper internal issues’. If we can get to the core of a person’s pain, regrets, resentment, disappointments, and so on, then, and only then can we heal and be free to live a life we never imagined.
Well, I’ve seen so many different afflictions this year and people with multiple drug problems that it almost caught me off guard. Addicts are masters of complicating simple issues and creating such a whirlwind around themselves that its very easy to miss whats really happening. Even I get stuck on it from time to time, but thankfully, I have access to a vision that is above my own, and through this I’ve seen and once again confirmed that the chaos that surrounds ALL addicts is simply a symptom of much deeper emotional turmoil… If we can get to that, if the addict will allow an opening for others to touch, Then, we can heal and be healed.
The solution is always the same, no matter what their drug of choice, how manipulative they are, how convincing they can be… The solution is ALWAYS centered on accepting personal responsibility, accountability, spiritual development, growing up, and a willingness to deal with old emotional junk!
These are my thoughts, Call us today if you need our help,
Dr. Miles, Founder
Addiction and the chaos that accompanies it is a family disorder. It is affecting the entire family and will continue to do so until the the family does something different, or the addict does something different. Justin’s Lighthouse can help you both learn what to do differently that will greatly improve everyone’s chances for a healthy future.
Most likely, the addict will not choose anything different on their own, simply because they don’t have to… Mom will keep rescuing, Sis will still cover with the job (and other family members), somebody will keep paying for the addict’s expenses after he/she blows their own money on drugs, and so on, and so on..
Let’s face it, this is the ugly truth that all families of addiction know very well. Sometimes it’s just really hard to admit it. Recovery doesn’t come easy but it is a simple process. It starts when the family says “NO MORE!”.
if the addict wrecks his/her car, then they go without a car. If their electricity gets turned off because they spent money on other things, then they live in the dark for a while. Families must stop absorbing the natural consequences of their bad behavior. Once you do, you will start see change, or at least a request for help. Of course, you will first see a whole lot of screaming and cussing at you, throwing major tantrums on how much you don’t love them because you won’t bail them out one more time. You MUST hold firm, the family has to to stick together when this phase begins. Let the addict hit rock bottom, but stay close enough to hear their request for help.
I’m sorry to say this was a lesson my family didn’t learn until it was too late. We kept picking up the pieces of my little brother’s addiction until the end. he died in his sleep on a sofa our mom paid for in apartment the family paid for, wearing clothes the family paid for… He never lost anything because we couldn’t stand the idea that he might ‘feel’ uncomfortable if he had to go without something. He didn’t have to change as long as we took care of the problems his addiction created.
We’ve learned this lesson well and implement it with all of our families at Justin’s Lighthouse. It works like a charm! Plus, Justin didn’t have to die in vain if we can share this method with other families, just like ours.
A FEW TIPS TO REMEMBER
You can still be as supportive as possible but also have boundaries in the process.
It’s okay for you to help them but don’t do for them what they should be doing for themselves. Make every interaction with them a ‘value for value’ exchange. example;
If you see they are trying to better themselves, then, by all means, help ’em… BUT,
I wish you the very best and invite you to call us anytime you need our help!
Dr. Miles, Founder
Painkiller addiction (which is also known as Opiate or Opiod addiction) is literally killing off our children. Whether 12 years or 50 years old, This one area of addiction currently has the highest death rate of all others combined! Oklahoma is number 1 in the country (USA) for painkiller abuse and accidental suicides…
Please call today for immediate help, 405-248-2124.. I will be writing much more in the coming days (2016). Please check back soon.
As always, call us if you need us.
Miles K Lewis, PhD, C-PRSS