How Addiction Recovery Really Happens

Stop acting like you're too busy to take months out of your life to focus on recovery. If you had cancer you wouldn't even question the amount of time to recover. The only thing Addicts are busy with is causing chaos & destruction.

Relax, I used to say the same things, but one day, it finally hit me just how much I was hurting my family, my own children.

I walked around like I had it all together, but, in reality, I existed solely because my family never gave up on me and always made sure I had a roof over my head, a car to drive, food, cell phone, and whatever else I thought I had to have to be a big-shot!

That's not living, that's bumming!

As we dwell on some mental or emotional conflict in our life, small situations that cause us fear, or someone else's life, we develop a mindset based on a diseased attitude. We become critical of ourselves and others.

Wanting to cause everything in our life to work out for our own selfish desires, we, in essence, become our own god... And, we make other people & things are own god, as well.

As long as everything in the world works out the way I want it to be, THEN, and only then will I be okay! Now, Imagine a life where this is not true.

A life when you will actually be able to handle the imperfections of life and others while STILL keeping your own sanity and anxiety under your control. Yes, this is possible! Healthy people live this way every single day!

Your job is to stop trying to figure out HOW to make the world run your way, but instead, LEARN new coping skills- understand the 'why' of your current anxieties.

The 'why' in order to heal & change yourself, not to blame or change someone else! (you will need professional help but you can get there)

Our mental obsessions are centered in self...

What we want to happen for ourselves, and what we want to happen for others or from others;

"If I could make this situation work out the way I want it to, only then, can I be happy".

We deceive ourselves into believing that we know what's best for everyone and until everything works out to our satisfaction. By doing so, we delay our own joy & happiness.

When we are focused on self we tend to allow our feelings to dictate our behavior. As Christians, we are no longer to live by feelings but rather by God's will (for starters, simple daily responsibilities will begin to move us in the right direction).

Obedience, based on the word of God, which is the will of God, should dictate our behavior, regardless of how we're feeling and regardless of our situation...

Instead of playing God, we are to trust God. Trust that, at the moment of surrender, God will "cause all things to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, for us" (Rom 8:28)

Our contentment in all circumstances is dependent upon our obedient response to God in our thoughts, words, and actions (NOT, getting everything we want at every moment). We must move from the "Feelings" stage to the "Doing" stage of Willingness and Obedience, Without any regard for our own feelings, or other's feelings.

Our own anxieties and mental obsessions are based on our regrets from the past and fears of the future.

We are to remove ourselves from the throne, surrender our circumstances to God and allow Him to work in our lives and exert His will, as God on the throne...

This moves us from being self centered to Christ centered.

Whenever we are anxious, un-easy, frustrated, restless, etc... we are saying "God, I don't trust your plan for my life and I really don't think you have complete control of my life- I think I better handle this one on my own"... and, that's why we have no peace.

We are only trusting in ourselves, our circumstances, other people's words or behavior.

I can keep going but I'm sure you get my point. .. And let me say, folks, I'm guilty of this too! All parents want our children to have easy-going lives, but, now, it's time for the tough news.

This is the very parental behavior that produces children who are unable to handle life's little jolts.

In our quest to raise a happy, healthy, easy going kid, we end up manufacturing a child who feels entitled to everything he/she wants, unaware of how to load a dishwasher, clean their bedroom, or worse, complete their own school work.

I come from a family where my oldest brother turned out fine, and, I, on the other hand, struggled quite a bit through my teen and young adult years, for the very reasons I just described.

It is possible for some siblings to be unaffected by this parenting and others to go off the deep end.. Which tells me, the kids have major responsibility, here!

In order for recovering addicts to be truly happy and healthy, it's the ADDICT'S job to become accountable for their own actions. They can no longer blame their parents, teachers, friends, whoever!

We work very closely with parents, spouses, and other family, when possible, to mend all the resentments that have surfaced, and help each family member to get on a new track.

Clients feel better about themselves and Dads learn how to spend more time on dates with mom, instead of time spent on cleaning up messes of the adult-child.

I beg your forgiveness if I offended anyone, but, please know, I offer this information as a tool. I will always share with you from my own experiences as a parent, not just a counselor. I make the same mistakes you do, for the same reasons!

I hope this helps you better understand some small adjustments we can all make around the house that will lead us to happier, healthier times. Our children must be allowed to fail... That's right, they must gain the privileged of failing! Our self-esteem comes from failing, picking ourselves up, and then accomplishing.

The next time your child fails at something, let them fail; your job is to support them, love them, assist when asked, but, don't do it for them, regardless of the consequences.

If you cover for your children, even if they are adults, you'll be robbing them of a precious process of growth.

So often I've heard parents say (and I've used this one, too); "But if I don't do his homework for him, he'll get an 'F'".

Then, let him get an 'F'... That's how we learn to be accountable for our own actions.

Once we become adults, we have no one to bail us out, so, unless you're planning on doing everything for your child until he's 80 yrs old, you better allow them to learn a few things the hard way. That's how we grow! That's how you grew, that's how I've grown, and that's how your children will grow, as well.

It's ok to watch them struggle with things. They're learning, so let them learn. You can be supportive, encouraging, sympathetic, and especially take the tine to teach, but don't solve their problems so quickly, for them!