Why Addicts Keep Relapsing
Recovery is possible for all addict / alcoholics
Mistakes families make with their Addict/Alcoholic Child
Choosing the right treatment makes the difference between success & failure
most addicts relapse after treatment because they didn’t get what they needed from a short-term program
For lasting recovery that helps the whole family
faith-based residential treatment / Out-Patient / On-line
Addictions – Alcoholism – Behavioral – Mental health
Until real change occurs, the addict/alcoholic will still think & act the same way.
This is the point of needing to ‘change’. So the person may recover, learn news of thinking, new ways of handling their life-situations.
Think about this for a moment, when a person seeks out recovery they still possess all the characteristics they did during their drinking /dysfunctional days.
So, just because the person desires a change, doesn’t mean that they ARE changed… at least not yet.
Easy for families to believe that because their loved-one is sober they must be a different person
… not so fast
And, so it with every addict/alcoholic, once their recovery process has begun, they still bring to the table all the defects that keep them sick, such as;
These characteristics, and more, will all come out in the early process of recovery, and it’s important that they do so they can be addressed and redirected.
I have observed and documented the specifics of this early-recovery behavior over an 18 year period, and can tell you, every addict/alcoholic exhibits these traits, some more than others, but everyone does them on their road to recovery.
The only one’s who fail on this recovery road are the one’s who are able to manipulate their families into believing the lies, who then rescue their adult-child from what should’ve been a life-changing experience.
Please don’t make this mistake!
Keeping reading until you reach the PHASE ONE, TWO
What you’re about to read
Is an exact process that every Addict/Alcoholic goes through in their journey for change
Why it goes wrong and how to change it!
You will learn why the Addict/Alcoholic fails time & time again.
How short-term drug treatments actually enable the addiction- process with 30-day revolving doors… Leaving just enough time to feel better without solidifying anything.
The development of Addiction is predictable
Recovery is also predictable & possible for every Addict/Alcoholic
Every Addict/Alcoholic wants their family to believe they are unique.
That they require a ‘special’ solution.
Masters of Manipulation
When families believe this ‘special’ solution-idea it keeps everyone confused every time it fails.
Focusing on changing external things are not real recovery solutions, they will not change an Addict/Alcoholics.
It doesn’t work for Cancer patients and it won’t work for Addict/Alcoholics.
Qualifications for some tough-talk
I’m the Co-founder and Director of Justin’s Lighthouse residential recovery program for the past 18years. Our program has worked with 1000’s of addicts, alcoholics, and their families.
I have a front-row seat to exactly how addicts behave in resistance to the process of change (early recovery), and the families who continue to enable them, even though they don’t think they do.
When parents say; “Oh, we don’t give them money, anymore” this does not constitute breaking free from codependency.
Codependency also comes in the form of emotional rescuing, which can be just as destructive for the Addict.
Catering to feelings keeps expectations low
Agreeing with them when they make poor choices, in favor of their feelings is like giving the Addict permissions to violate their values and break whatever responsibility they were supposed to live up to.
If the Addict can convince their family that they are the ‘victim of an injustice’ and cause the family to jump onto their side of the fight (when none exists), then the Addict has successfully manipulated, once again!
The ‘Fight’ is actually defined as ‘R.E.S.P.O.N.S.I.B.I.L.I.T.Y’ in which the addict is merely attempting to avoid.
Hey, it’s worked in the past and the Addict won’t stop this behavior until they start getting different responses.
More about me…
I am also a recovering addict, with a brother who died in his addiction.
The son of an alcoholic father, and, the son of a heart-broken Mama-Bear who never stopped saying; “I wish I had said; ‘No’ more often”, regarding my younger brother, until the day she died.
My professional credentials include various degrees, including, a PhD in behavioral sciences (emphasis: Adolescent behavior), as well as certifications from the state dept. of mental health & substance-abuse, plus, commendations for services specifically for Justin’s Lighthouse.
A wealth of knowledge and experience
I have personally been on every side of this disease and want you to benefit from my experiences.
I come from a place of love and genuine concern for your family.
Some of things you will read will be hard to hear.
The truth isn’t always pleasant.
Please keep this in mind, if your adult-child was dying from cancer you would read every word and follow every instruction…
Now, apply that same logic to Addiction because that’s what’s happening – your adult-child is dying in their addiction…
There is so much hope!
Because recovery is not a ‘maybe’-thing!
Every person who has ever completed the Justin’s Lighthouse program has maintained sobriety and lives a productive life.
We have seen some failures with one common denominator…
When Families fall for the Phase 2 Crisis Building and rescue their adult-child, the Addict has always and will always relapse.
When families trust us in this process and follow our instructions, their Adult-Child always gets better…
It’s not rocket science or magic potions, it’s addiction science!
You will learn about all these things when you enroll in Justin’s lighthouse
Let’s begin the journey of every Addict/Alcoholic as they seek out recovery
They want recovery, but will always default back to resistance because that’s what’s programmed and conditioned.
The solution lies in breaking the conditioning
THE PHASES OF RECOVERY (ONE & TWO)
Faking has run its course (typically by day 30-90)
THEY SEEK A FAMILY RESCUE, RUN AWAY,
OR OTHERWISE RETURN TO OLD BEHAVIORS
This is avoided when the Addict/Alcoholic believes that “if they run away” from any responsibility (including rehab) they aren’t welcome at home, no more car payments, gift cards, rent, gas money, nothing!
If the family’s words haven’t had much meaning then the Addict/Alcoholic won’t believe and will continue to test this
Solutions are coming, keep reading
In 18 years of working with Addicts and Families I have heard this statement a 1000 times…
“My parents don’t really mean it. They seem serious but they always give-in. I’m just riding it out”.
Families have to recondition the Addict’s thinking. This takes time and requires guidance from professionals.
Justin’s Lighthouse excels in working through this dynamic between families and the Addict.
Yes, there are loving ways to present boundaries, and when moderated with addiction professionals the chances of having a positive impact are far greater than if the family simply says; “you do this or we disown you!”
More Examples of Manipulation
These usually involve pulling on the heart strings of Mama-Bear.
We recommend Al-Anon to learn how to overcome enabling behaviors.
When enrolled at Justin’s Lighthouse families are part of the process
What’s happening in this manipulation scenario is the addict is trying to convey a picture of injustice and great discomfort. Can be physical or emotional.
This technique has worked for some time to trigger a quick, swift reaction of rescue by the family. Even an emotional rescue can keep the addict stuck.
Example of emotional rescuing
‘Oh, you poor baby! – it sounds like people are being mean – doing you wrong” This affirms the addict’s “victim-hood” status and is a good way to keep them from ever growing up.
Underneath the manipulation is really an effort to avoid personal responsibility.
Irresponsibility drives Addiction!
Healthy Family response
Instead of reacting to the Addicts emotions (attempt to manipulate), it’s vital that families redirect the Addict back to the solution…
Such as, practicing the new coping skills they are being taught.
That’s why they’re in rehab!
They don’t have a drug/alcohol problem, the Addict has an irresponsibility problem and drugs & alcohol is their way of coping
Redirect – Redirect – Redirect
“I’m really sorry, son/daughter, that you’re having this experience.
What are you learning at rehab that would help YOU work through this problem?”
Remember, it’s not a real problem. It’s a manipulation to get family to rescue them, once again, so they can avoid having to continue in any serious work.
A re-directive response will begin to reprogram the Addict’s brain that it’s time to grow-up
This is key if lasting-recovery is ever to be achieved!
Phase 2 ends with an explosion or implosion
The level of intensity increases until they…
The chance for real-change increases exponentially if the Addict/Alcoholic is enrolled in a long-term program.
This crazy cycle will happen while they are still in rehab and most like push through it, as long as the family doesn’t rescue them.
The Addict cannot believe for one second that you okay with them breaking yet another responsibility
And then, you better be willing to make your words have meaning and cut them off!
This could be the difference between them living or dying!
We’re talking about Adult-Children, here…
Definition Of ADULT
“A PERSON FULLY GROWN OR DEVELOPED”
Let’s be honest, it’s not easy growing up, and yes, there is absolutely genetic factors involved with Addiction and Alcoholism.
As result of poor coping skills and immaturity, the addiction is manifested through bad behavior. When the behavior is changed, the thinking will follow, which ultimately allows for the brain to heal.
New perspectives are gained, and self-esteem is developed
Families must stop rescuing bad behavior! Nobody has ever been comforted or nurtured into recovery. I’m not talking about “tough-love” either.
‘Rescuing’ is robbing the adult child of the opportunity to learn-HOW for them-self
What Happens Next is Life & Death
This is the most crucial point in any addict/alcoholic’s life.
This is that moment in life where the Addict must finally make a decision for themselves that could change the course of their life (if they choose right).
Usually what happens once the family stands firm, holds their ground by empathizing while redirecting the Addict/alcoholic has a break-through!
“We love you, but we aren’t helping you self-destruct, anymore”
When this moment happens while still in treatment, the
Addict/Alcoholic has the benefit of professionals to move
Them through this period (while coordinating with the family)
Everybody stays on the same page, thus, moving the Addict into the ’right’ lane, instead of their own impulses
Break-Through, Recovery continues!
Welcome to Phase Three!
When the real work begins!
Typically happens from 6-9 mos of sobriety
You can learn more about Phase 3 by enrolling in the Justin’s Lighthouse recovery program
We teach families how to grow & heal!
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